Anguish

Into the second week here, and still nothing much to do. Should have signed up for Engin O-Week earlier instead of waiting for my friends. Regret, that ‘s it.

Things haven’t really got better, either. Still homeless, and mentally worn-out from the seemingly-endless problems. You were still as distant as ever, both physically and emotionally. I start to wonder if things will ever get better between us. It’s almost been a month, you know. If only I could turn back the time to that day when I saw you for the last time. It hurts to look back. A lot.

Sometimes I wish I could go to any university I want to, with or without scholarship. But yeah, I know life isn’t always fair. As much as I know how harmful the phrase “If only” is, I can’t seem to get away from it. If only this, if only that...

From wishing to become your significant one, I have downgraded my wish all the way to just being friends. Right now, I’ll be happy if I can still talk to you. Yeah, I lost everything in just a week. One week is all it takes. It’s all a mess now, and I have nobody to blame but myself. Yet, everything has always been too good to be true from the start. Should have realized that it wouldn’t last. Far from it, in fact.

But I know things cannot remain this way forever. I might have fallen down, but I must pick myself up, soon or later. I try my best to fix my eyes on Him, who is more than able to make everything better right here, right now. Been praying hard, but things only seem to get worse and worse. It's been a while since my faith was tested like this. I try to believe that I'm not far from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. If I can endure all these trials, things will soon get better. Keep praying, keep believing. Hope everything is well for you over there, too...