My first day as a homeless soul in Singapore

Hi everyone. After eight awesome-months of holiday, I'm finally back to Singapore, my second home for the past 5 years and counting. While it seems that I have grown accustomed to the lifestyle in Bandung, it turns out that I didn't feel as horrible as I thought I would upon stepping my foot into this beloved hot-and-humid city. In fact, I'm quite excited to see what tomorrow has to offer here, with all the upcoming busyness as a university student and all. God is good, indeed.

My beloved hometown.

To be honest with you, yesterday was one of the worst days I have had this year. Since the morning, I had been frantically searching for a room to rent in Singapore. Why I still have nowhere to stay ONE DAY before my flight is a long, long story. To make things worse, I felt myself falling sick too, perhaps from compounded amount of stress and over-thinking. As if that was not enough, I received another bad news in the afternoon, which turned my world upside down. I was tired, sad, disappointed, and simply had had enough.

Fortunately, I somehow managed to survive the tough day. When I woke up in the morning, I still felt horrible. I literally closed my eyes, hoping that things would be different when I opened them. Then the bitter reality dawned on me: I'm going back to Singapore in a few hours.

This place wouldn't look so fun anymore if you have lived here for 5 years, trust me.

On the plane, I happened to get an inner seat just next to the window. I'll tell you a secret - I couldn't withhold tears from flowing. It sucks to remember all the good things that once were, and compare them with the stark reality that awaited me in Singapore. On the plane, when I listened to the song Payphone by Maroon 5, which carries a personally fond memory for me, it was just too much. Couple it with the fact that I still have no shelter in the land of the lion, and imagine how awful I felt.

Thankfully, no feelings last forever. As soon as I got off the plane, I already felt much better. Perhaps it's true that the best way to forget a painful memory is to keep ourselves busy with other thoughts. By the evening, I was feeling much better, and am getting better as each second passes.

Thankfully, no feelings last forever.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna go to my new university, National University of Singapore, to settle some administrative matters in the morning. Later on, there will be an introductory session to the Engineering course at NUS, which I have signed up for. Let's just hope things will keep getting better for me here. I will survive!

Disappointment

This post is somewhat inspired by my friend's insightful writings on the topics of "Waiting" and "Hope" which you can find here: http://keziaisgrace.blogspot.com/. If you read Indonesian, please read her blog posts (and subscribe to her blog too) before you continue with mine.

"Last week, I ordered a self-help CD on How to Handle Disappointment.
When the package came this morning, it was empty."

I came across the short story above on Twitter a few weeks ago. In case some of you don't get the joke, it was saying that the first step to handling disappointment is to go through the painful experience yourself. "How true", I thought. "Been there, done that", said the hippies.

I'm sure that everyone has experienced this feeling called disappointment, regardless of who you are or how old you are. For a 14-year-old girl, perhaps the greatest disappointment may be to be promised a new iPhone by her father if she can get the top three ranks in class, only to find that her father doesn't keep his promise even after she studies hard and gets the second rank. For a 20-year-old, probably falling out of love will be the ultimate form of disappointment. On the other hand, a 24-year-old fresh university graduate will be disappointed if he/she is unable to find a job.

No matter who you are or how old you are, everybody, including you and I, are prone to disappointment.

So how is this writing related to Waiting and Hope? Well, you only wait for something that you hope for, like good grades in exams or that someone special to return your feeling. Yet, you don't always get what you want, and that would result in disappointment. The fact that nobody ever gets everything makes it clear that everyone can and will be disappointed at certain points in their lives. Hence, it's important to know how to deal with disappointment so that, when it comes, you can cope with it well and move on with life.

First, it's important to recognize that, when you hope for something, you are making yourself vulnerable to disappointment. It's so true that the only way not to feel disappointed is to hope for nothing, just like how you can avoid failure by never trying.

The only way not to feel disappointed is to hope for nothing, just like how you can avoid failure by never trying.

Most of the time, if not always, hope, waiting, and risking disappointment come in one package. The greater the hope is, the longer you would have to wait for it, and the greater the risk of disappointment will be. A birthday boy who expects a Mercedes for his birthday present will be more disappointed when he unwraps a key of a second-hand KIA Picanto than if he had only expected a new Honda Jazz. Similarly, a boy who had harbored a feeling for a girl for years would be less disappointed to be rejected than if he had only liked her for a few months. The higher our expectation or the longer our wait, the more disappointed we will be.

So, how can we avoid disappointment? To put it simply, we can't. The moment we stop hoping, that's when we stop living. It's all part and puzzle of life, whether you like it or not. The only thing that we can do is to lessen the impact of disappointment, and move on with life as quickly as we can.

It's also important to distinguish the two types of disappointment. The first, less painful form of disappointment is one when you don't get what you want, but deep inside you know that most likely you won't get it. A boy who confesses to a girl and gets rejected will surely be disappointed, but it will not hurt as much as if he once had the girl, but lost her. This brings us to the second type of disappointment, one that leaves a wound so bad sometimes it can turn a sensitive person into a heartless heart-breaker. Consider this scenario: a couple who had been in a relationship for years break up because the girl was caught cheating with another man. (No, I'm not talking about Kristen Stewart). Imagine how much pain the guy would feel, and it's obviously more painful than if they were not a couple and the girl went out with another man. In this case, the guy realizes that they were very near to living out the happily-ever-after ending, but circumstances beyond his control screw everything up. Yes, this is the more painful form of disappointment, and it can happen to us too.

Having said all of the above, how can we deal with disappointment, whether the less painful or the more painful one? For me personally, I have survived disappointments in the past by holding tight on God's promise that if He doesn't give me what I ask for, it just means that He has something better for us in store.

I'm talking about no. 3

P.U.S.H. (Pray Until Something Happens) is good, but sometimes that something is not always what we want or expect. Yet, it's the most we can do, as the rest lies in God's hand. So, the next time you have to face disappointment, be it from a rejection or a failure, always remember that something better awaits you in the future. Disappointment is never the end of everything; it's always the start of something better. I hope this writing has been a blessing to all of you. Jesus bless you.

A Short Reflection

Hello again! Thank you for clicking the link to this post. Since I've already written about some "galau" stuffs yesterday, I'm gonna write about something more constructive today. It's an article taken from my devotional book, but it really is applicable even to the non-Christian as well. It is also special because my hometown is featured in this article, read by millions of people all over the world! Lastly, I've included an Indonesian translation after the English version. Hopefully this can be a blessing to each and everyone of you reading this. God bless!


Who's Behind It?

Verse of the day:
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights." - James 1:17

At a cultural show in Bandung, Indonesia, we enjoyed a wonderful orchestra performance. Before the finale, the 200 people in the audience were each handed an angklung, a musical instrument made of bamboo. We were taught how to shake it in rhythm with the conductor's timing. Soon we thought we were performing like an orchestra; we felt so proud of how well we were doing! Then it dawned on me that we were not the ones who were good; it was the conductor who deserved the credit.

Angklung

Similarly, when everything is going well in our lives, it's easy to feel proud. We're tempted to think that we are good and that it is by our abilities that we've achieved success. During such moments, we tend to forget that behind it all is our good God who prompts, prevents, provides, and protects.

David remembered that truth: "Then King David went in and sat before the Lord; and he said: 'Who am I, O LORD God? And what is my house, that You have brought me this far?'" (1 Chron. 17:16). David's heart swelled up in appreciation of God's goodness.

The next time we are tempted to take credit for the blessings we enjoy, let's pause and remember that it is the Lord who brings blessing. - Albert Lee


Indonesian translation:

Ayat nats:
"Setiap pemberian yang baik dan setiap anugrah yang sempurna, datangnya dari atas, diturunkan dari Bapa segala terang." - Yakobus 1:17

Dalam sebuah pameran kebudayaan di Bandung, Indonesia, kami menikmati sebuah pertunjukkan orkestra yang luar biasa. Sebelum finale, setiap dari 200 orang penonton diberikan sebuah angklung, alat musik tradisional dari bambu. Kami diajarkan untuk menggoyangkan angklung tersebut seirama dengan ketukan konduktor. Tidak lama, kami merasa bahwa kami bermain bak orkestra sungguhan; kami merasa sangat bangga akan diri kami sendiri! Namun saya menyadari bahwa bukanlah kami yang hebat, melainkan sang konduktor.

Ketika setiap hal di hidup kita berjalan dengan baik, mudah sekali bagi kita untuk merasa bangga. Kita tergoda untuk berpikir bahwa kita hebat dan kemampuan kita lah yang membawa kita pada keberhasilan. Pada saat-saat seperti itu, kita cenderung melupakan bahwa dibalik semua itu, ada Tuhan kita yang baik, yang mengingatkan, mencegah, menyediakan, dan menjagai kita.

Daud mengingat kebenaran tersebut: "Lalu masuklah raja Daud ke dalam, kemudian duduklah ia di hadapan TUHAN sambil berkata: 'Siapakah aku ini, ya TUHAN Allah, dan siapakah keluargaku, sehingga Engkau membawa aku sampai sedemikian ini?'" (1 Tawarikh 17:16). Hati Daud berlimpah dengan ucapan syukur akan kebaikkan Tuhan.

Apabila kita tergoda untuk menganggap berkat-berkat Tuhan sebagai hasil jerih payah kita, marilah kita berhenti sejenak dan mengingat bahwa berkat berasal dari Tuhan saja. - Albert Lee


As I read the reflection above, I realized, in shame, how often I felt proud of what I have achieved while in fact it has always been God who poured down his blessings into my life. Soon, I'll be going to Singapore to start a new chapter of my life in university. By posting this article here, I hope I will always be reminded that all good things in my life come from God alone. Jesus bless you.

How a Picture Speaks a Thousand Words (Part 1)

So I saw this picture on Facebook yesterday.

Of course I clicked the "share" button right away. How true, I thought. I ended up pondering about the quote which, as simple as it may sound, really hit me on a personal level.

I will discuss the above quote in this post. There are three statements there.

1. When you want someone, they don't want you.

2. When someone wants you, you don't want them.

3. When you both want each other, something has to come around and mess it up.

As I spent some time thinking about it, I then realized that I have, at some point of my life, experienced all the three scenarios. Allow me to tell you my stories.

1. When you want someone, they don't want you.

I am sure that this is the most common situation most guys, if not all, have found themselves in. There was the pretty and popular girl, surrounded by her girl friends (and some guy friends too) standing along the corridor. You wanted to talk to her, but didn't seem to have the courage to do so. Talking was awkward. In the end, all you could do was talking to her through texts (sms, Blackberry Messenger, Whatsapp, MSN, you name it). After months of PDKT (it's an Indonesian terms which means "making a move for your crush"), mainly through indirect means, you took the gamble and confessed to her. You were rejected, with reasons like "I think we'd better remain friends". You decided to distance yourself from her, and the story ended with the two of you not friends anymore. Sounds too familiar?

I won't give you a lengthy lecture of what that guy should have done, because I have been in that situation before, and I did exactly what he did. It happened all the way back in Primary 4. There was this pretty girl who was put in the same class as me. She was a quiet girl, and so was I. Because of that, we only talked once during the year we were classmates (it was only for that occasion that I can recall clearly what we talked about). She was smart too. I got the first rank in class and she second. Somehow I always find smart girls attractive, even until today. That was the beginning of my six-year-long crush on this girl. I didn't make any move then, because I was a shy boy. And there goes my year in Primary 4.

In Primary 5, I remember coming up with a now-seems-idiotic plan to buy her a box of chocolate for Valentine's Day. Thankfully, what was a plan remained a plan. We were not classmates in Primary 5, and the year passed by so quickly.

Primary 6 was the year in which we not only became classmates once again, but also bench-mates. We spent a lot of time talking about many things. I also remember how I wanted to act cool in front of her by helping her with her assignment but ended up embarrassing both of us. The year ended in no time, and we welcomed the start of Junior High School.

In the first year of Junior High School, I faced a storm on a personal level which had nothing to do with her. At one of the lowest points of my life, I made a stupid decision out of desperation to make a confession to her through sms. She never replied. The next morning, all her friends knew about the sms. Things became awkward, and we didn't talk anymore ever since.

I still harbored the same feeling for that girl over the next two years. I still did things which I thought were romantic, such as buying her flowers anonymously for Valentine's, or getting a cute bag with a printing of her favorite pet for her birthday. Yet, those were all done in desperation. In fact, looking back, I didn't even know why I liked her, or whether I really liked her. As you may have expected, when our time in Junior High School ended, so did our friendship. We never talked again, not even once, since then. She is now happily studying in the States, and me in Singapore.

As I reflect, there is no regret even though it was an embarrassing experience because of two things. Firstly, I realize that I don't fall for a girl easily, but when I do, I don't fall out of love easily either. The crush lasted for six years, but it's more than just the number; it's the experience of liking someone so long it hurt. Yet, I discovered that the longer you like someone, the more you fall in love with that special person. Secondly, I learned how to interact with girls through all the mistakes I did with her. I was raised up in an almost-all-male environment with my one and only sibling - a brother. I'm not used to discussing about the matters of the heart with my mom, either. Looking back, I realized that most of what I know about how to make a move for a girl, I learned it during that six memorable years of my early adolescence.

Liking someone who doesn't like you back is always sure to hurt a lot. Yet, someday the hurt and the pain will all make sense, and be worth it, when the right guy or girl walks into your life. Believe.

What happened on 4 July 2012

Yesterday, a lot of good things happened to me. I kicked started the day with ngelesin SAT. Then, I had a long, long nap before going to BSM (now called Trans Mall) with my mom. So what did I do with my mom there? We went shopping. As strange as it may sound, I actually went shopping with my mom, just the two of us. I'll be leaving for Singapore in less than a month, and so I must start buying things I'll need to live there. Lo and behold, we managed to snap some good deals which include:

• A Lacoste wallet
• A new pair of Nike specs
• A Contempo cardigan
• An Ice Magazine
• Some other stuffs

Besides shopping, I got to spend quality time with my mom as well. I went home happily, only to discover that the blessings did not stop there. It turned out that my friends and I managed to purchase a good deal for a steak buffet (yes, you read it correctly) at S$32.5 nett. By the way, that includes a glass of wine too! Sounds too good to be true?

The picture, taken straight from the page.

If you think that's all, you are wrong yet again. Later that night, I received an unexpected gift from a friend which totally made my day. God is good yeah?

Today, I went to Paris van Java to fetch my mom after ngelesin. I ended up roaming around aimlessly while waiting for my mom and my photos. When I dropped by Gramedia, I noticed a wonderful thing: A BOOK SALE! Many great titles were on sale at 25% to 40% discount, and I bought some which are:

This was for Rp. 27.000,00

And this one, was for Rp. 48.000,00

Got this for Rp. 36.000,00

Thank God for the blessings, and look forward to more awesomeness in the next few days!

Thank You, and you, for everything.

Hi peeps!

It's been a while since the last time I updated my blog. My last post dates back to almost one year ago. For the past few months, so many things have been happening in my life that they cannot possibly fit into one post of a reasonable length. I'll try my best though, so here it is.

After four years of sweat and tears through the educational system at ACS (Independent), I finally graduated with fairly good results in January last year. It's not fantastic, but it's a blessing from God for me, and so I am thankful for it. I'm just gonna write one post tonight, but I hope to tell EVERYTHING to whoever is reading this. I won't write stories that you can know about through my Facebook or Twitter. Take a deep breath, and here it goes.



I was rejected the night before my IB Chemistry papers.

It's not exactly a rejection, but for me, it was as bad as one. I had been harboring a crush on this girl, but she was yet to give me a firm answer. Yet, of all the time there was in the world, the actually-kinda-expected answer came crushing on me, just a few hours before my Chem exams. I was devastated. Talking to a friend didn't seem to help, either. When the paper was finally over, I knew that a 7 point would be a miracle. Thankfully, God didn't let me fall flat on my face. Despite the rejection, I still somehow managed to achieve the impossible.

Today, I pursue that girl no longer. Life goes on, and I have since made many more friends who have helped me move on with life. Yet, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank her for everything, and to apologize for any foul words that I uttered in my moment of anguish. Thank you.

The farewell with my American Dream.

As some of you may have known, landing a place in an American or British university has been my dream for the past four years. I gave my best shot, but I failed. I'm not gonna blame anyone; it's all my fault. Should have done this and that, but in retrospect, I am actually thankful for that fateful morning when I received the stacks of rejection letters online, one after another. The next few lines may sound pathetic or self-pitying, but really they are what I firmly believe in now that I can look back in time.

Okay. You guys have no idea how much time and effort I put in the preparation for the SAT last year. Yet, when everything didn't pay off, I was disappointed. Extremely. I mean, how could I waste so many months studying for this test, and doing well in it, only to discover that they mean nothing anymore? But looking back, I finally understand WHY God didn't let me go to the States. It all makes sense now.

Let me start with the scenario if I had been accepted to the States. Had I been accepted there, I wouldn't bother pushing myself beyond my comfort zone by establishing SAT Whiz, a tuition center of mine. After all, if I had received the acceptance letter from Harvard, everything would be settled, wouldn't it? There wouldn't be SAT Whiz, and probably Will wouldn't get enough help to pass that SAT score boundary of 1900 from Singapore Management University. In that case, he might not have been accepted there.

Lastly, had I gone to the States, there would be no chance for you and me to make this work. The time-difference-of-almost-12-hours alone is enough to kill any relationship. Plus, I wouldn't get the chance to fight my way to be with you. It all makes sense now, and looking back, I finally learn that being rejected from all the ten overseas universities I applied to was the best thing that could happen to me.



That's all, folks. I don't think I want to put photos in this post, but I surely will in the next few posts. Sorry for such an intense writing, too. I promise that the posts after this would be more matter-of-fact, of course with more pictures and more interesting stories of my life in the past few months. Sign off, Heizel.

Postingan Pertama Pake Bahasa Indo

Halo semua!

G mutusin buat coba nulis blog pake Bahasa Indo soalnya uda lama banget ga nulis pake bahasa ibu tercinta ini. Ditambah lagi, g mau nulis sesuatu yang panjang pake Indo setelah ini. Jadi, anggep aja ini latian, dan maap semaap-maapnya kalo Indo g terdengar aneh, soalnya emang uda ga pernah nulis pake bahasa ini ampir 5 taun hehe.

Ga kerasa, liburan g di Bandung ga sampe sebulan lagi. Rasanya baru kemaren g mikir kalo liburan kali ini lama amat sampe bingung mau ngapain. Buat yang belom tau, g baru aja lulus dari SMA di Singapore (sg) bulan Januari taun ini. Jadi kalo diitung, liburan g itu totalnya sekitar 7 sampe 8 bulan, secara kuliah baru mulai bulan Agustus. G bakalan balik sg tanggal 31 Juli. Brarti sisa liburan g tinggal 28 hari lagi nett :(

Jadi, g uda ngapain aja ya selama 7-8 bulan di Bandung? Dari yang tadinya takut bosen kelamaan liburan, sekarang g ga pengen cepet-cepet kuliah. Udah betah deh disini. Kalo di sg kemana-mana harus naek bis/MRT, disini enak tinggal ambil kunci mobil trus brem brem deh (cuma males kalo lagi macet aja). Disini semua juga serba murah. Dengan S$10 (sekitar 75rb rupiah), udah bisa buat nonton+dinner+uang parkir. Kalo di sg, uang segitu cuma cukup buat nonton. Itu pun ga di sembarang bioskop, soalnya beberapa bioskop tarifnya lebi mahal dari itu.

Pas ngeliat balik ke awal taun, g merasa bersyukur banget karena ga ada penyesalan sama sekali. Dari Februari, g uda ngelesin SAT, dan kalo diitung-itung duitnya jg sudah terkumpul lumayan. Cukup lah ya buat beli leptop baru hehe. Sampe sekarang masi ngelesin sebenernya, tapi uda agak males soalnya waktu di sini tinggal sebentar banget. G juga sempet ngebimbing junior g selama liburan ini sampe dia bisa keterima di Singapore Management University, pake beasiswa penuh lagi. Bener-bener bersyukur deh. Tuhan emang baik.

Kalo lagi bahas soal Tuhan, pasti keingetnya soal gereja. Akhir-akhir ini, gereja g di sg, City Harvest Church, lagi kena masalah. Pendeta kami dituduh menggelapkan uang, padahal belum terbukti secara hukum. Bahkan, beberapa temen ada yang sampe nulis di fb ngejelek-jelekin gereja kita. Sedih abis, tapi ga bisa ngapa-ngapain. Yah, berdoa buat yang terbaik aja deh, dan udah ga sabar untuk balik ke sg dengerin Pastor Kong khotbah. Di Bandung, g sempet pindah-pindah gerejanya. Dari asalnya ke Gereja Sidang Jemaat Allah (GSJA), sekarang g jadi ngikut bonyok ke Gereja Isa Almasih (GIA). Terakhir, g ikutan retret keluarga di Via Renata, Puncak, sama gereja. Seru abis, cuma sayang waktu g di sini tinggal bentar lagi. Tau gitu dari dulu-dulu ikutan kebaktian remaja di GIA. Yaudah lah, pas liburan lagi jg masi bisa :)

Salah satu game terseru di retret ini

Cukup sekian deh. Susah juga nulis pake Indo, tapi kudu latian. Mau sejago apa g ngomong pake Inggris, tetep aja bahasa ibu g kan Bahasa Indonesia. Pokonya blog selanjutnya bakal g tulis pake Bahasa Sunda, soalnya g bangga jadi urang Bandung. Yu ah, cabut.