Disappointment

This post is somewhat inspired by my friend's insightful writings on the topics of "Waiting" and "Hope" which you can find here: http://keziaisgrace.blogspot.com/. If you read Indonesian, please read her blog posts (and subscribe to her blog too) before you continue with mine.

"Last week, I ordered a self-help CD on How to Handle Disappointment.
When the package came this morning, it was empty."

I came across the short story above on Twitter a few weeks ago. In case some of you don't get the joke, it was saying that the first step to handling disappointment is to go through the painful experience yourself. "How true", I thought. "Been there, done that", said the hippies.

I'm sure that everyone has experienced this feeling called disappointment, regardless of who you are or how old you are. For a 14-year-old girl, perhaps the greatest disappointment may be to be promised a new iPhone by her father if she can get the top three ranks in class, only to find that her father doesn't keep his promise even after she studies hard and gets the second rank. For a 20-year-old, probably falling out of love will be the ultimate form of disappointment. On the other hand, a 24-year-old fresh university graduate will be disappointed if he/she is unable to find a job.

No matter who you are or how old you are, everybody, including you and I, are prone to disappointment.

So how is this writing related to Waiting and Hope? Well, you only wait for something that you hope for, like good grades in exams or that someone special to return your feeling. Yet, you don't always get what you want, and that would result in disappointment. The fact that nobody ever gets everything makes it clear that everyone can and will be disappointed at certain points in their lives. Hence, it's important to know how to deal with disappointment so that, when it comes, you can cope with it well and move on with life.

First, it's important to recognize that, when you hope for something, you are making yourself vulnerable to disappointment. It's so true that the only way not to feel disappointed is to hope for nothing, just like how you can avoid failure by never trying.

The only way not to feel disappointed is to hope for nothing, just like how you can avoid failure by never trying.

Most of the time, if not always, hope, waiting, and risking disappointment come in one package. The greater the hope is, the longer you would have to wait for it, and the greater the risk of disappointment will be. A birthday boy who expects a Mercedes for his birthday present will be more disappointed when he unwraps a key of a second-hand KIA Picanto than if he had only expected a new Honda Jazz. Similarly, a boy who had harbored a feeling for a girl for years would be less disappointed to be rejected than if he had only liked her for a few months. The higher our expectation or the longer our wait, the more disappointed we will be.

So, how can we avoid disappointment? To put it simply, we can't. The moment we stop hoping, that's when we stop living. It's all part and puzzle of life, whether you like it or not. The only thing that we can do is to lessen the impact of disappointment, and move on with life as quickly as we can.

It's also important to distinguish the two types of disappointment. The first, less painful form of disappointment is one when you don't get what you want, but deep inside you know that most likely you won't get it. A boy who confesses to a girl and gets rejected will surely be disappointed, but it will not hurt as much as if he once had the girl, but lost her. This brings us to the second type of disappointment, one that leaves a wound so bad sometimes it can turn a sensitive person into a heartless heart-breaker. Consider this scenario: a couple who had been in a relationship for years break up because the girl was caught cheating with another man. (No, I'm not talking about Kristen Stewart). Imagine how much pain the guy would feel, and it's obviously more painful than if they were not a couple and the girl went out with another man. In this case, the guy realizes that they were very near to living out the happily-ever-after ending, but circumstances beyond his control screw everything up. Yes, this is the more painful form of disappointment, and it can happen to us too.

Having said all of the above, how can we deal with disappointment, whether the less painful or the more painful one? For me personally, I have survived disappointments in the past by holding tight on God's promise that if He doesn't give me what I ask for, it just means that He has something better for us in store.

I'm talking about no. 3

P.U.S.H. (Pray Until Something Happens) is good, but sometimes that something is not always what we want or expect. Yet, it's the most we can do, as the rest lies in God's hand. So, the next time you have to face disappointment, be it from a rejection or a failure, always remember that something better awaits you in the future. Disappointment is never the end of everything; it's always the start of something better. I hope this writing has been a blessing to all of you. Jesus bless you.